Fatherhood, Conformity, Leaving a Legacy. Eight Ideas
Eight ideas I can't stop thinking about
For those who love good ideas,
Here are eight ideas that I’ve been thinking about this past week — to help your body, mind, and spirit.
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1. On Fatherhood
Our little girl is a month and a half old.
The only way I can describe the feeling of being a new Dad is surreal. As if you’ve had blurry vision your entire life and someone gives you a pair of glasses that allow you to see all the shapes and colors of the world you missed.
I don’t have some massive list of lessons, simply because my wife and I are still learning. We’ll be learning our entire life. But what I can say is that the most important foundation for a child, and for your relationship, is communication.
Neither of you is the focus anymore. You have another life. Another responsibility. And the dynamic of the relationship changes. The time you’d normally spend watching a random movie or going on a spontaneous walk evaporates. That isn’t to say that these things can’t be done, but they now revolve around the needs of a newborn.
Psychologist Gabor Mate’s work has been exceptionally valuable for both of us in understanding the necessity of a strong parental foundation. Mate suggests three things that are essential for children between the ages of 1-3.
1. Communicate To Your Spouse Respectfully and Clearly
Actively focus on building a foundation of effective communication with your spouse, starting with pregnancy. Don't become enemies with them. Learn how to speak with each other during stressful moments.
2. Unconditional Love
Understand that the needs of the child are to be unconditionally loved in the context of a secure relationship. The child should not have to work to make the relationship work.
3. Allow your child to have emotions.
This doesn't mean being permissive, it means letting them feel and understand their emotions and how to work through them. Don't tell them not to be angry, or to cheer up when they're sad. They'll never understand these feelings or themselves if they're told how to feel and what feeling is inherently bad.
2. On Legacy
“Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.”
- Ernest Hemingway
We all end up old, tired, and physically weak in the end.
What you have now, and what you'll have in the last days of your life, are the experiences, memories, and legacy you've accumulated. Reflect on the shortness of life. The gravity of each decision you make or don’t make.
The gut rarely lies like the mind does. Refuse the big decisions; the calls to venture into the unknown, and you’ll overthink your way to mediocrity. The weight of who you could’ve been will crush you.
Those who outlive death know defeat; know suffering, know struggle, know loss, and find their way out of the depths through brute force of will and an understanding of their character.
The only way to become wise, to die in peace, is to suffer, persevere, and walk down the road that is shrouded in mystery.
3. Making the Darkness Conscious
“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
- Carl Jung
4. The Asch Conformity Experiment: Why People Go Along With Lies
If you ever wondered why some people are willing to deny reality, you need to understand the Asch Conformity Experiment.
The experiment, conducted by Solomon Asch in the 1950s, is a famous psychological study that explored the extent to which social pressure from a majority group could affect a person to conform. The experiment involved groups of participants, with each group having one real participant and the rest being actors instructed by Asch.
In each session, the group was shown a series of cards with lines of varying lengths. They were asked to match the length of one line on a card to one of three lines on another card. The correct answer was always obvious. Initially, the actors gave the correct answers, but eventually, they started giving the same incorrect answers unanimously.
The key observation was the response of the real participant. Asch was interested in whether the real participant would conform to the majority view, even when it was clearly wrong. The results were striking: a significant proportion of the participants conformed to the majority view, even though it was incorrect, demonstrating the power of social influence and conformity.
5. Embracing the Cold
“To appreciate the beauty of a snowflake, it is necessary to stand out in the cold.”
– Aristotle
It’s a cozy time of year. We want to huddle inside, spend time around the fire, watch our favorite movies, and read a good book. December is a wonderful time to rest and reflect, and we should slow down a bit at the end of the year. But we shouldn’t use the cold weather and short days as an excuse not to get outside.
Running in the cold or going on a hike in the snow is one of the most invigorating things we an do. It connects us to the world in primal way.
The numbness on our face. The steam of our breath. The cold and austere quiet. A cold and snow blanketed world is clean and mysterious, ripe for exploration or a meditative lonely walk.
When you need a break from family this month (we all do at some point) get outside into the elements and move.
6. The Joy of Letting Go
“What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.”
- Jack Kerouac
If you have 15 minutes to spare. I highly recommend listening to Jack Kerouac talk about his influences and philosophy in this old radio interview.
7. Neil Gaiman’s Writing Routine
Taking from episode #366 from the Tim Ferris podcast, Gaiman outlines his unique approach to writing productively.
The entire episode is a must listen for any writer or creative.
8. You Don’t Have As Much Time As You Think
How many times have you seen someone mentally and emotionally destroyed because they left something unsaid to a loved one? The worst part about this common occurrence is that it’s entirely avoidable.
Even if you don’t see your loved ones nearly as much as you’d like, make an effort to stay in touch, regardless of whatever resentments or odd family dynamics get in the way.
From @writeandlift on Instagram
Very enjoyable read. Thank you for the work.