Raising A Daughter in 2024
Raising A Daughter in 2024
The first man a young girl loves is her father
Write & Lift is an ethos of personal and spiritual development through conscious physical exertion and practice of the writing craft. Through this effort to strengthen our bodies and minds, we become anti-fragile and self-respecting sovereign individuals. Through this effort, we may stand against untruth and evil and create a new culture of vitality, strength, and virtue.
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Raising A Daughter
I want to talk about how my wife and I are raising, and planning to raise, a competent, fearless, self-respecting, kind, healthy, and curious young woman.
As I have discussed in many of my essays, I believe that our culture actively harms women as much as it does men. Our environment has disrupted our hormones. We’re pushed drugs that provide fleeting relief and we are not warned about the long-term consequences. Social media has reduced our ability to think critically about important and necessary issues. We are told to pathologize negative emotions; tying ourselves to the raft of “depression”, “anxiety”, and “neurodiversity” because we have a series of bad days or an odd quirk.
These are a few of the problems of our age. But I’m an eternal optimist.
The world is a place of abundance, joy, meaning, and opportunity. It’s our job to choose the right path and help the next generation do the same.
1. Develop Self Respect
Joan Didion said it best: “Character — the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life — is the source from which self-respect springs.”
From an early age, my wife and I will instill in our daughter the value of responsibility, perseverance, and grit. She will know that failure is inevitable, but not guaranteed. She will know that the world is not working to conspire against her, but rather, that the world is full of opportunity and abundance. She will have an understanding—a deep understanding—that her life is her responsibility, and that despite failure, regret, or mistakes, she’ll have us to help her learn the necessary lessons, and get back on her feet.
She will learn that part of developing self-respect is trusting her capacity to overcome challenges; and that one cannot accrue wisdom without self-respect.
2. Find Your Passion
If our daughter is one of the lucky ones who falls in love with a pursuit at an early age, we’ll do everything we can to encourage and support her. It could be music, art, athletics, becoming a doctor, or training beagles. It doesn’t matter to us.
If she—like most of us—can’t put her finger on her “why”, we’ll encourage her to try new things and reach beyond her comfort zone. We’ll tell her that practice beats talent every day of the week.
She’ll know that her passion, when she finds it, is a higher calling to do good in the world; equal parts focused cultivation and god-given interest. She’ll know that she has the capacity to be great, but only if she is willing to do the work and hone her craft.
3. You’re Not A Victim
There is a loud minority contingent of young women (and men) who have been taught to blame the world; I can’t find a good man because men are trash. I can't find a place to rent because of late-stage capitalism. I can’t focus at work because I have ADHD.
A victim mentality castrates our ability to cultivate self-respect. Our daughter will know that she, like all of us, has flaws, insecurities, strengths, and value to give. She’ll be taught that internal problems (being anxious) and external problems (cost of living) are not an excuse to blame the world.
There are solutions to every problem. If, and only if, you’re willing to accept that you can find a solution.
4. Health, Family, and God
Our daughter will know that despite failure, achievement, heartbreak, and loss, the three things that can’t be taken from her are health, family, and her belief system. She will see this reflected in our household, and she’ll know that these pillars provide the foundation for strength and resilience in the face of life’s hardships.
She’ll know that when she’s old and reflecting on her life, it wasn’t the days at work or nights out with friends that gave her deep meaning, it was family, physical health, and a belief system.
5. Don’t Cheapen Your Body or Hate Who You Are
Our daughter will know that men and women are different. As we would explain to our son, she will know that her biology is not something to be cursed or fought against, but to be embraced and understood.
She will know that, on average, she is more likely to engage with her emotions and feelings in different ways than a young boy would. She will know that her biology—like a man—carries its own set of risks and strengths. She will know that giving her body to someone is not a carefree act of pleasure, but rather a spiritual connection to be cherished and carefully considered.
We will show her, by our own example, that while dedicating a life to a career, passion, or financial goal can be fulfilling, it can never replace the gift of starting a family. Family, amongst other things, will always be encouraged. It is the bedrock of everything.
6. Think Critically and Develop a Sense of Right and Wrong
Our daughter will learn to explore and cultivate her intellectual interests and value system. She will have opinions (that are likely to differ from her parents) that she comes to by analyzing, thinking, and reading about the world and forming her own conclusions.
She will know that despite a differing opinion, she will be loved. Unlike many young people, she will be taught to approach ideas and topics with rationality and skepticism. She will understand the importance of saying “I don’t know”. She will understand, through our teaching and her own exploration, that a value system; a sense of right and wrong, is a prerequisite for building an informed and true life. She will be her own person, but in us, she’ll have an example of an integrated value system; one which we will work to impart on her.
Most importantly, she will have the courage to stand up for and defend her beliefs and values.
7. Find the “Perfect” Day, and Repeat It
Our daughter will know that life goes by fast.
Like all of us, she’ll waste time. She’ll have off-days. She’ll get trapped by a Television series and burn away the weekend hours on the couch. But she’ll be taught to always be mindful of her habits. She’ll be taught to take a “view from above” and to reflect on how she spends her time.
We’ll encourage her find the perfect day and repeat it; hard work, physical exercise, spiritual and social connection, mental stimulation, and relaxation.
She’ll know that she can build a life that she never feels like she needs a vacation from.
As always, thanks for reading
-Joe